How to be happy? ( The key tip and steps towards happiness)

Updated: Sep 16

It's no secret that everybody strives for happiness. We see it as something far-fetched. Something that only happens in fantasy movies. You're so far from the truth though. Happiness is possible. I like to compare creating happiness with cooking, since it's one of my Passions. Just like cooking, creating happiness requires the right ingredients used in the correct order. If you want to cook something for the first time, you need the recipe. You can't just throw everything in there, stir and hope for the best! You need to follow the steps and know when to use what and how much of it, for a delicious outcome.

Happiness is a choice; Every morning you open your eyes, you need to choose to be happy.

A bit of a back story

I perfectly remember the day I decided that I had enough. I'd hit rock bottom and I thought I had failed in every aspect of my life. I remember two weeks prior to my life-changing decision, I called my doctor and asked her to prescribe me anti-depression medication, because I felt too much pain and emotion in my heart, and I could not take it anymore. I just wanted to feel nothing. I wanted to become numb.

After I went on the medication, the side-affects were very severe. And yes, I did become numb. I couldn't eat, I had no desire to talk to anyone And I was constantly sleeping. I thought It would get better over time, but that didn't happen. So, I decided to stop taking them just after 2 weeks. The day I came off the medication was the day I decided I was going to do everything in my power to change my life and become happy.

On top of everything else, my ex flat mate who was a narcissist and a bully was silently bullying me. It wasn't my first time encountering with a narcissist and a bully. My dad was one. Therefore I could easily detect narcissistic behavior and bully from miles away, when others couldn’t.

I haven't spoken to my dad for over 8 years and I haven’t seen him for over 11 years. But so many people with the same energy as him have come into my life and gone. The last person whose energy and presence reminded me of him was my ex-flatmate. Believe me when I say every house I moved to or maybe a new friend I made reminded me of him.

And that's when it hit me!

I heard this voice inside of my head and I felt this vibration through my body. It was my higher self connecting the dots, and it made sense. I was holding a lot of resentment towards my dad. I was carrying this bag of unwanted energy with me. Since we are energy and we attract what we think about, I kept attracting those kinds of people into my life.

At that very moment, I decided to truly forgive him and every other person who has ever hurt me, including my ex flat mate.

FORGIVENESS my friends! The first and most powerful tool towards freedom, toward happiness, and everything else that follows.

Let's make one thing clear though. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to allow them back into your life. That’s up to you of course. In my case, I’m very selective. It really depends on the person you’re forgiving and that's if they are moving in the same direction as you are. towards self-development.

Now allow me to share with you the steps I took to forgive.

Step one: He didn't know better

I remember my dad used to tell me how abusive his father was and how much he hurt him. of course, this was a pattern, the repeating cycle of abuse passed on generation by generation. I understand that it is not an excuse for anyone to hurt you but, once I told myself that he didn't know better and that's how he showed his love because he wasn't taught differently, I moved on to the next step.

Step two: I used the power of energy of love through meditation

This one does wonders. So, I closed my eyes and meditated. Not any meditation, but the one I created specifically for the purpose of forgiveness. This is how it goes:

I close my eyes and imagine the person I want to forgive standing tall. I imagine a ball of gold light appearing in the palm of my hand. Exactly like in superhero movies, because I am a superhero and so are you. Anyways, as I see the golden ball in the palm of my hand, I throw it at the person I want to forgive. As though I'm a baseball pitcher on a field and I really go for it. I want the ball of light to really hit the person with love, and I am not being sarcastic here. I really mean it! Once the golden light hits the person, I watch it cover their whole body and as it covers every inch of their body, I imagine them getting smaller and smaller until the person disappears into the ground (I learnt the disappearing part from my aunt, let's give her the credit). Now, the intention is very important, you need to truly feel that love being thrown at the person you want to forgive. set the intention before you start this mediation.

I repeat this meditation with everyone I want to forgive. Once is not enough though; You need to repeat it daily and sometimes few times a day. Especially at the beginning. I use this meditation once a week, sometimes every two weeks now and that is a progress. You can use my free guided meditation that is (coming soon) and let me know how it works for you.

Step 3: Change the story

I love this one. It's just so powerful. I know I said the same thing for the previous steps but since I have such vivid imagination, this one just feels amazing.

I'm sure like me, some of you might experience flashbacks out of nowhere. Maybe you see something on the street or while watching a movie that reminds you of your painful past. Or perhaps a familiar smell and taste might take you back to that trauma you experienced.

Here is the fun part!

You can change the story of what happened to you, to what you wanted to happen instead. Your brain cannot distinguish between real and fake so, just close your eyes and make your own story.

About few days ago, out of nowhere something triggered a memory of when I was 15. I'll share with you the version of the story that I created. Not only I was smiling, but I also felt love towards my dad. Here it goes:

I always loved dancing in front of the mirror (I still do). We had this massive mirror in one of the rooms and because the stereo was in the living room, I couldn't hear the music as loud as I liked, so I decided to move the mirror to the living room. As I walked out of the room with that big mirror which was twice the size I was, my dad came home. He never came home at that time, and when he said hi, he startled me and I dropped the mirror. The mirror broke into pieces. I looked at my dad and watched him approach me. He lifted me up and moved me away from the broken glass. He checked and made sure I was okay and gave me a warm hug. He then grabbed the broom, got rid of the big pieces and hoovered the smaller ones. He made me feel so safe and I felt so loved and cared for.

now what a beautiful memory!

What steps do you take to help you forgive?

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